我最近屡屡碰壁。当我拿出我自认为最珍贵的画作，蕴含我最真挚情感的画作时，却常常得到的是不认可，无视，或者某个制度下的低分。于是我便思考我为何要这样做，我为何要展示出我最真诚柔软的一部分然后迎接完全不匹配的回应？所以我在今晚确信我决不会是一个画家，或以画画为生的人，因为我太喜欢画画了。我可以做其他工作来赚钱，或者接受在其他领域被人评判，但总之我觉得把我的画来让别人评价没有意义。我目前预计未来或许会从事与游戏开发和纹身相关的工作。

I hit a wall a lot of times recently. When I show the drawings/paintings that are most precious to me, which are filled with my most earnest feelings, I usually receive a disagreement, neglect, or a low grade in an institutionalized context. Then I started to think about why I was doing that, why I had to show my most sincere and soft side then greeted with a response that didn't match it at all. So tonight, I made sure I would definitely not be a painter, or earn my living through painting because I love it. I might do other jobs for a living, or accept criticism and evaluation in other fields, but overall I believe it’s meaningless to bring my paints or drawings for others to judge. I currently plan to be involved in game development or tattooing.

Apr 5, 2024